Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
