Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
