and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
