im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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