Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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