What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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