I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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