I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
