Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
