You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
