I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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