At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize