i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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