If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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