he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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