she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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