i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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