So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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