When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
