Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
