Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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