I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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