careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
