You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
