I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
