I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
