I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
did you just send me my own nude
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
