How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize