did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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