I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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