P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
