Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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