toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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