So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
