what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
