I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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