i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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