A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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