I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
