maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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