Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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