There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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