I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
