Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
