are you still at the devil's house?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
