the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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