He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize