We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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