RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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