i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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