Where did you get a picture of my penis
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
