Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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