The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
