he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She's the barista slut.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
