dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
