he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
