I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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