at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
