She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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