I heard we made out
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
