Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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