Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
