We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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