Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
