These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
