You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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