Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
