I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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