Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
