She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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