Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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