you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
