Please, let me fuck your mom
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
