Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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