i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
