i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
