don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
