i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
