I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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