Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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