11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
