whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My feet surprised me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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