Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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