I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
