I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize