Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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