if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
