i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
