dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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