Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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