my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
