my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
