i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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