3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
And then he peed in my hair
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