Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
