just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize