i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
