That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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