Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
