ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
