I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
