I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
